This is a blog about some really shit service we (me and a few friends of mine) have been receiving at a certain cafe on the island......lets just call it Shitty Mc Nellies! (if you live on the island then the title of my blog will give it away).
Befor I go into this let me just say that there is one shinning star there. The waitress, lets just call her Little Miss Chirpy Chirp - she is absolutely lovely, always in a good mood, doesn't faff around - pleasant service - if I owned a cafe I'd hire her!!! She must be saved from Shitty Mc Nellies!
Ok - a couple of months ago I went to SMcNs for breakfast with my dear friends Yellow and Blue. I arrived late and they were already well into their breakfasts so I just ordered a savoury muffin and a coffee. The coffee arrived......but the muffin took a wee while so by the time it got to me I was ravenous and almost devoured it with my eyes! I got my knife and cut it through the middle ready for the obligatory butter smearing - but befor I could do anything I was struck by how the muffin seemed to still be attached and wasnt falling open as it should - I gave it a nudge and the two halfs kinda slowly fell apart, revealing this long blondish/grey hair that was joining the two halfs. Repulsed and half mad from hunger I took it over to the waitress and said (half apologetically and half grumpy - cause I'm sorry and I know it's not her fault but I am hungry and gonna have a grump) "Ahhh, sorry but I can't eat this - there's a hair" - and the waitress was lovely about it. She had a glance, was as repulsed as I, and hurriedly took it off my hands offering me another in its place, - "No, no, I'm nearly finished my coffee, I'll just get something at the bakery" (as IF I want another possibly hair-filled muffin, what if I ate a mouthful and didn't realise there was a hair til it was IN MY MOUTH!). And so it was, that when breakfast was finished I went up to pay for my coffee - "That'll be $9.00" said SMcNs co-owner Whingey Moan Bitchalot.
Me: "Oh no, thats not right, you see I didn't have the muffin [stage side whisper] there was a huge hair in it".
WMB: "Well, did you DO anything about it? Or did you just eat part of it and then see the hair and not eat the last part?"
What the hell!? What happened to "customers always right"? I mean, I've worked in Hospo so I know thats a lie, it's "customers always placated and then bitched about behind their back" - but I wasn't feeling placated at all - more attacked!!
Me: "Actually, I did do something. As soon as I cut into your muffin (I said noting her long blondish/grey hair) it was impossible NOT to notice the huge hair sticking out from both halfs. I didn't eat any of it, but rather brought it immediately over to the counter, to the waitress, and it has been sitting here on the counter for the last 20 minutes" (I said gesturing to said muffin).
WMB: "[hmpf] well, ok, $4.00"
Not even an apology for her hair being in the muffin, or for having a go at me about it...nothing, just said the price and shoved out her hand. Greedy No-social-skills Meanie!
You'd think that little episode would have taught me. But skip forward to last week and my dear friend, Purple and I are searching for somewhere to brunch. We needed somewhere central.....so SMcNs seemed the logical choice. I had rationalized the bad experience, putting it all down to that one woman, Whingey Moan Bitchalot. Her mere presence had resulted in hair filled muffin and horrible pay experience, and general eat-out scarrage. However, we checked befor sitting and she was no-where to be seen, and only 2 table besides us.
"Ok, things will be good" I reassured myself as I sat down. I had a look round for Little Miss Chirpy Chirp but she didn't seem to be working that day. Instead a rather flustered middle-aged woman with the same dullish blondy grey hair came bowling up to us thrusting menus as she demanded, "You want breakfast!?"
"Yes! Yes we do!" - we were bright, cheerful and full of optimism - obviously the complete opposite of her at that moment.
"Right, coffee?"
We each ordered our coffees and she left us to look at the menus. About 5 minutes later a big table of 7 arrived, and another 2 smaller tables. We were ready to order but she was bustling around with menus and water for the new arrivals so we sat and patiently waited. About another couple of minutes went by and then the barista came to our table - "Are you ready to order?"
"Yes please!" - and so we gave him our orders, Eggs Bene for Purple and Bacon and Eggs for me.
"And coffees?" asked our barista.
"Errrm, we ordered those with the lady when we first arrived"
"Oh! Well, that order must be waiting for me up at the counter.." and off he went.
Queue slight apprehension." Ok, ok, so it's been 10 minutes in a quiet cafe.....no coffees....but he KNOWS that we've ordered them, so he'll be on to it now......surely?"
Another 5 minutes passes in which time we see the table of 7 and one of the other smaller tables receiving THEIR coffees....but still none for us. When the waitress comes out with our breakfasts and plonks them on the table purple asks for some salt and pepper and I ask, "And have you forgotten to put our coffee orders in?" - as NICELY as I possibly can, considering I've been served FOOD quicker than a friggin COFFEE! And she gets REALLY flustered now and says, "They're on their way, sorry, the Barista's really slow" - THE CHEEK! To blame the Barista, who was anything BUT slow, considering he ended up having to, as well as make coffee, come and take our orders cause she was TOO SLOW to do it......So anyway, then we see her bustle over to the counter, searching for something, obviously our coffee order, in her apron....that makes me soooo mad! We aren't blind - we have been watching this whole morning unfold. She has a total of about 7 tables. But 2 had already been served befor we arrived and there was a good deal of spacing between the rest. She is just not with it that morning. Its obvious - but BLAMING the barista!? cheeky, cheeky, cheeky....
Anyhoo - no complaints from me over the food. No hair! Yay! And it tasted lovely! Yummo. I don't think Purples was as nice as mine. I'm not sure if that was what I thought cause she's a vego and there was no meat, or if that is what she said. Anyway, we finished and weren't ones to linger so I went up and paid while she watched Lulu (my sisters adorable dog that I was watching - I shall insert photo later because I love her so!) and then as I came back to the table I had to pass the flustered waitress. That thing happened when you both go one way, then the other, so I stopped and moved aside, but she was SO FLUSTERED she bolted forward like a deer caught in headlights, and walked right into a chair (luckily unoccupied)! She stopped as if to steady it, but then at the last moment she didn't and instead walked off, letting the chair crash to the ground! Everyone just looked at everyone else, all of us with our
mmm hmmmmm eyebrows, "That woman is not with it" the two women at the table whose chair had been knocked said to me as I picked up and pushed in the poor chair. I agreed with another
mmm hmmm eyebrow raise and nod.
I then took Lulu to the car and waited for purple to pay.....and waited.......and waited....and waited....
Turns out when poor Purple had gone up to pay there'd been 2 or 3 other people waiting up there also. The Barista was busy pumping out coffees, and the waitress kept coming up and giving him more and more orders...rather than taking a moment to let him catch up, and to serve the queue at the counter. So on her 4th time up of ignoring the queue the Barista goes, "Can you serve some of these people please" and she goes, "I'm busy!" but stops long enough to serve one man and then, without a word to the rest, just walks off again. Purples tolerance level had just been reached:
Purple: "[to the back of the uptight waitress] Hey! [to the barista] Hey look, I'm sorry - but that was truly unprofessional and rude. To just walk off like that. We've been waiting here for ages. We need some service"
Barista: "Yes, but she's very busy, we both are"
Purple: "Yes I understand that. But we are waiting here trying to pay you"
Barista: "Well, patience is a virtue!"
At this point, if it had been me, I probably would have grabbed the nearest heavy object and hurled it whilst screaming at him, "PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE!". Purple however was taking a different, calmer approach.
Purple: I'm trying to give you money. I just want you to take my money so I can leave! Don't you want my money?"
Barista: "Haha, no of course not, ok then, just leave"
Purple: "Ok then" - and she turned and proceeded to exit the building...
Barista: " I WAS JOKING! Clearly. Obviously you have to pay!"
Purple: "Well then, can you PLEASE just TAKE MY MONEY!".
As we drove away the rest of Purples queue comrades were lined along the driveway like a guard of honour to wave at their brave hero who stood up for them in their darkest hour.... (slight dramatisation, they happened to be outside having a smoke so offered friendly waves as we passed by.....but I like the other way I said it better).
Now - if I thought that those bad experiences were all due, in some weird way, to me, like I'm a jinx or something, I have since heard of another bad experience from a friend who went in for breakfast with her boyfriend - a chef.
He ordered french toast - but when he got it, it was cooked on the outside, but still really, REALLY soggy on the inside. He isn't one to complain in a restaurant, but as it was inedible he had to say something. He beckoned the waitress over (queue Whingy Moan Bitchalot) and offered up the plate saying, "I'm sorry but this isn't quite cooked". WMB looked at it, then at him, then back at it, then took the plate to the kitchen, then came back a secound later with it in its exact same state and said, "Chef says that thats how it's supposed to be" - now, bear in mind that WMB is saying this TO A CHEF - but she just doesn't know it. Again, he says, "I'm sorry, they may be, but this is not cooked". A stare off ensued. And I don't think the outcome was good for my friends. But I'm pretty sure they won't be returning either. So thats now 4 people I know will never eat there again. All due to bad, bad, service from some bitchy, bitchy staff. And not even the bright star that is Little Miss Chirpy Chirp can pull that place out of the deep dark hole that it has sunk into.
People, you have been warned. Stay away from that place of horrors. Stay far, far away.
